Finding God in Despair, part 4
I have been a Christian for nearly twenty years. My existence prior to that seems like a lifetime ago and in many ways, a dream. It is not an exaggeration to say that nearly everything in my life has changed since deciding to follow Christ. That decision impacted my eventual marriage, caused me to end up living in four different states, and, consequently, transformed how I understand every aspect of life.
I am not sure that despair is the correct word to define my life prior to this decision, but it is close. My outward appearance would have seemed fine, but inside, there was certainly a hint of despair. Without realizing it, I felt a little bit like the writer of Ecclesiastes. “Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher, vanity of vanities! All is vanity. What does man gain by all the toil at which he toils under the sun? A generation comes, but the earth remains forever…All things are full of weariness; a man cannot utter it; the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing. What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 1.2-4, 8-9).
Looking back on it, my problem was simple to diagnose. Allow me to use math terminology. I was trying to solve an equation which was missing a necessary variable – God. I compare it to looking at life without a corrective lens. It was blurry. Factoring God into the equation offered clarity that otherwise was lacking. While this has been great, existentially, even as a Christian I still make the same mistake in other ways.
I also know I am not the only one who makes this mistake. I encourage you to read about Asaph’s despair in Psalm 73. He saw the wicked prosper. They appeared to lack the trouble experienced by others. They even scoffed at God in their pride. Simultaneously, Asaph, who sought to live a pure life, struggled. His despair nearly caused him to walk away from God. In modern terms, he thought, “What’s the point?” Pondering the entire picture of life before him was a wearisome task. He simply could not understand it.
In his despair, his heart eventually changed. It changed when he entered the sanctuary of God. In other words, he brought God into the equation. Did his circumstances change? No. The wicked were still at ease. He still struggled. Suddenly, he understood the end of all those unfaithful to God. He knew they were in a precarious position and understood God was with him all along. Despite his trials, he knew it was good to be with God.
There are some very practical lessons that I continually take away from Asaph’s story that are valuable for all Christians.
- Having trials and God is better than not having trials and not having God.
- I will never perfectly understand all the whys of this world – and that is okay.
- Staring only at the world for too long can lead to despair – and stumbling.
- God is my refuge through the trials inherent in our temporary world.
- God is great enough to end my despair without necessarily needing to change my circumstances.
- Perspective and understanding are underappreciated gifts from God.
Allow me to end with Asaph’s words—words that should be true for all Christians in all circumstances of life, whether joyful or sorrowful. “Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you” (Psalm 73.25).